When My Heart Is Far Away

Sometimes my heart is far away,

And I have nothing to give.

I need arms to surround me,

To hold still my spiraling mind.

When my eyes are the colour

Of a stormy April sky,

I need to hear another heartbeat

Before the funnel cloud touches down.

For someone else to understand

That I need shelter from myself,

Has not happened yet,

And it seems impossible,

Because every other one

Just wants to take, and take,

And I cry as they leave,

And they leave

Because my heart is far away,

And they say

They don’t fancy all of this rain.

This is not the way

That I mean to be,

The harder I push,

The more I need someone to stay.

When my heart is buried deep within

I need someone who is able to give

Just a little of their time,

Without the expectation of words,

And to reassure me,

That this sadness cannot last forever.

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Lonesome Creature

I am a lonesome creature,

Standing in tall grass,

Plucking flowers

To watch them wilt,

And I dance beneath storm clouds,

To the rhythm of the rain.

 

I am a lonesome creature,

And every day

I dream of death,

Though I am not yet ready to die,

For I am counting the stars,

And every night I lose my place,

But I feel I cannot leave

Until this done.

 

I am a lonesome creature

Conversing with the wind,

For things we cannot see

Are not nothing,

And he is the only one

Who will listen to me.

 

I am a lonesome creature

Yet I push you away,

For I would rather be lost

In a forest of thorns,

Than be followed by one

To whom I cannot relate.

A Place I Know

There is a place I know

Where pink dogwood grows

In tall grass

Sprinkled with daisies,

And dead nettle,

Where I search for the red tail’s feathers,

And dinner bones,

Those little rabbit skulls,

And bits of fur,

Nestled among the stones.

 

I come to this place alone

For there is no one that I know of

Who can walk quietly

In that golden light,

And watch the day

Give way to evening.

 

There is a hill

Ensconced with thistle,

Violet as the growing night.

I know a path to the top,

Where the earth beneath is soft,

And it is here that I go

As the stars begin to show themselves,

And the moon and I say hello.

 

I lay down upon my back,

And pluck the petals

From the roses in my lap

Dying in my lonely ecstasy,

And I think,

If I could tie my heart

To another in this place

Perhaps we would never

Let each other go.

 

But these are dreams.

These are fantasies.

No one else can see what I can see

For no one has my eyes,

But me.

 

So the solitude becomes routine,

And I am used to it now,

But I would rather live in solitude,

Than never be understood,

Just for the sake of company.

 

Come Lady Mania

Come lady mania,

I have been waiting for you.

Lie down with me,

And put your face close to mine.

Tickle my pearl,

And sing with me

The highest notes

Of the sweetest song,

And we’ll laugh hysterically,

And speak in tongues,

Then have sex with a stranger,

And fall in love,

Invite him in,

Then leave.

You sharpen the edges of my anger,

Because you know

I love to cut them deep,

And make it bleed,

Then pour the salt,

To make it sting.

Isolate me please,

Within a roiling madness,

And remove reality,

Because it isn’t any fun,

You say.

To us, the moonlight shines

As bright as day,

And we pace, and pace, and pace

The bedroom

Until the dawn glows orange,

On the horizon.

Stand with me

At the rim of madness,

And let us wrap words

Around stones,

And drop them in the chasm

Between where we stand,

And that unfathomable realm of sanity

That we want so very badly,

But can never seem

To fully reach.

Wreck this boat

Upon the sand,

And leave me stranded

On the beach.

Drink you say

And I drink, and drink,

Watching as you sail away.

My Brothers Love

I was made to be a stranger

In this world, and in my skin

By the violent robbery

Of  my childhood.

 

I still remember that sticky warmth

Down between

And on my belly.

 

I still remember your frenzied sighs

Of satisfaction,

Sweat from your brow

Upon my face

That was locked in a grimace of pain

As you demonstrated to me

The mechanics

Of adult love.

 

You pulled yourself out

For me to see,

And I thought that you were dying,

But then you were laughing.

 

You left me there,

My legs dangling from the edge of the bed

Too small to touch the floor,

Pony print panties

With a pink bow

Slipping from around my knees

To my ankles,

And a dark red spot for days

To remind me

Of what had been plucked too soon.

 

Briars now thrive

Around my heart,

And what does grow there

Is rotting on the vine.